Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Life of a Cat Blogger

I do a lot of staying in! It's just so cozy in my bedroom, the all too familiar sounds of gunfire, sex worker brawls and Parkdale's own "snot rocket" gently wafting in from the street to my ears like so much sea breeze, greeting me as I recline on my bed in a stained nightie, my computer ever-perched on my lap, burning my thighs.

Rising at 12:39 to begin my grueling day of cat blogging and debating all the reality tv shows I watch with my internet friends, I start my days off with a mug of chocolate ice cream, slam two diet cokes (not because i'm dieting but because i like the taste of chemical) and suck back a Podium Blue Large King ("the cheapest smoke off the Reserve!").

Some days I'll make the arduous trek to King's Milk, the convenience store with a cat in it at the end of my driveway, to get high sodium snacks or Podiums.  Sometimes I'll see the store cat, Nabi!  Sometimes I'll see another cat and wonder what it's story is and if it will let me pet it.  I don't have a camera, so I can't share these special cats with you, and I can't prove that I use my legs.  It's true, most days I stay in bed.

After dusk, my shoulders hypoflexin', my legs threatening to go back to their old restlessness syndrome from lack of exercise and vitamins, and my mind, workin' hard (or hardly workin') from til 6 pm, and then it's ME time, baby.

I choose to treat myself by closing my bed room door against the incessant ramblings of my live-in caretaker, holing up with a bag of Cheesies and a Harry Potter Audiobook, then crackin out the paint by numbers 3 Lion kit til all heck breaks loose!  I eventually find myself getting too worked up over Harry being a whiny dumb ass, so I take a couple doctor prescribed vitamins and drift off to sleep at the same time as gettin' my solitaire game up (I'm at a 42 win percentage!).  I wake up suddenly at 4am, covered with angry red wrinkles from my solitaire night terrors and solitaire sleep apnea, and go get some compulsive nocturnal binging in.  Returning to bed I get all anxious about whether I'll get enough sleep for another big work day in bed and negotiate with myself about setting the alarm for 9 minutes later.

Here are some of the paint by numbers I've done in 2011!

Here be the one I'm working on now, you can even see my painting hand in action!

We got a wild one!


  1. So I rarely LOL whilst at my computer, but the Harry Potter audiobook and solitaire sleep apnea pushed me over the edge.
    Maybe because it is just too close to my own humble existence...

  2. might be my favourite non-cat-related blog post of all time.
    i love you so so so much.

  3. I love your paintings! Very well done. I am working on some paint by numbers myself, but it is not that easy and it takes a lot of time. ;) Keep up the good work! Best wishes from the Netherlands. :D